That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
