she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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