Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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