that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
