just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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