evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
