How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
