I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
