i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
