you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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