ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
