I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
