Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
