the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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