he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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