One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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