There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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