My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
