At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
