Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
