We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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