do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
