i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
