you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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