turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
