She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Someone came in the potted fern
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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