i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
