Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
