is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
