By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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