morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
