where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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