Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
