Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
