And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
