it hurts more in the daytime
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
