So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
