I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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