he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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