So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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