You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
