if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
