This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
