Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
