I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
