If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
