im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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