maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
