Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
