who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
