And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
