the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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