On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think I just sharted jello shots
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
